¿Como se dice "Then, don't drink the Lemondaide?"

I am the only one in my department not fluent in Spanish but having worked on this program for two years, I can explain very basic things, answer basic questions, and generally help people in Spanish. Granted it's not very good Spanish, but most people, with a little patience, can get my message.

This morning at 8am, before any Spanish speaking employee has arrived, a client opened the door and, rather than enter, loudly queries:

"ESTA ANA?!"
(Is Ana here?")

The only visable person to her was a 70-something blackwoman sitting at her desk.

I move from my cubilcle and say (in Spanish):

"Ana is not here this week. I can help you."

She says "Oh," and begins to leave.

"I can help you!" I repeat in Spanish.

She pauses, looks at me, and says (in Spanish using the informal "you" after I'd addressed her with the formal "you") "I can speak to you?"

"Yes, you can speak to me," I say (in English.)

"You speak Spanish?" She asks in Spanish.

"Si, Pocito" I answer. (just a little)

Then she said the following very, very rapidly:

Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish (Pause for breath) Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish BREAKROOM Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish Spanish LIMONAIDE.

I had been expecting a quetion about her job, her training, her computer application, or an upcoming interview. I certainly didn't expect her to complain to me about the breakroom with its free lemonaide.So I responded- in Spanish-

"LEMONAIDE! I Didn't understand."

To which she responded, in Spanglish:

"LIMONAIDE BAD"

I wanted to laugh out loud. She walked across the building on her break, passing a number of people in the restaurant who control the Breakroom, a number of whom speak Spanish, to complain to my co-worker, as if she had the magic lemonaide solution. Mind you, this client has been here three weeks and should be somewhat aware of what's going on. Well, I feel your pain sister- that's our limonaide too- and believe you me, it's only one step up from tart piss. The coffee ain't that great either- don't get me started.

And since I had no idea how to say any of that, my language broke down into a pathetic mess:

"Tiene que" (You have to)
"Uh uh uh" (thinking- what the fuck is the word for tell! Hablar, no, сказать сказать сказать no no no...fuck fuck fuck.)
"Decir" (Thinking- Is that Spanish or French?)
"the people in the restaurant" (dammit, it's 8am!)

I abandon course, and say the following:

"Esta las personas en the Restaurant?"
(Are there people in el restaurante?)

"Si," she answers.

I think, Tell them.
"Necesita digele" I say. (it's necessary tell him- quite grammatically incorrect)

She looks at me, responds "Oh" and leaves.

I always hope that my attempts to speak Spanish will encourage clients to take risks in English. There's no empowering some people I guess.

Happy Haitians

I was recently thrown into a "Customer Service" class for housekeepers working at a major Las Vegas hotel. Each week I had a new group to teach. The students were mixed in terms of native langauge and English ability. In one class, I'd have 2 or 3 Native English speakers and possibly 1 or 2 maids who spoke practically no English. My challenge- improve their customer service.

What an unfair challenge. As the class continued, I discovered the real problem was neither lack of customer service skills nor lack of English skills per se. The real issue underlying a decline in service was a lack of perceived managerial support and a sudden change of management styles. A couple of the classes devolved into bitch sessions about management despite my best efforts.

There also some serious attitude problems...with the native English speakers.

"Why should I bother, all they do is speak Spanish?" The native English speakers had the most complaints about guests and management. They were the angriest and least interested in learning. Instead, they wanted everyone and everthing else to improve without looking at themselves and seeing what they were doing wrong.

In group disucssions they refused to talk to their partners.

In role plays, they failed to say things essential to customer service like "you're welcome" or "Good morning, ma'am" even though their direct supervisor was in the room.

And then when they saw that their co-workers who spoke less English were able to role play with smiles, apologies, and even a "Have a nice day," you could see their shame.

The best class I had was a group where there were two Haitian women with bright smiles and sincere laughter and no native English speakers. I routinely joked with the housekeepers about how many times they'd seen a guest naked. The native English speakers would lodge into a litany of complaints about how disrespectful guests could be and how they shouldn't have to deal with it. It was rather tiresome. The Hatians had a different reaction.

One Haitian wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes as everyone proded her to tell her story.

Marie:

One time, Maria and I were in the hallway when we saw this guest come out of his room. He had ::pause for uncontrolled laughter:: no clothes.:: insert downward wagging finger gesture mimicking a penis::And. ::laughter:: he went to Maria and asked for ::laughter laughter:: a towel. ::wipe tear from eye::

Marie grew bold and gained control of herself. Her voice became loud and booming:

And I ran after her saying 'No, no, no That's my guest!'

The entire class erupted in laughter. Admitedly, it was one of those "had to be there" situations, but I sat there noting how this class differed from my other classes of English speakers in terms of perspective. How one Haitian woman could see something hilarious when an American would find it insulting...

and I realized how wonderful everything could be if we all took a hint from Marie.